


Quiet Life

by ThisPolarNoise



Category: Metal Gear, Metal Gear Solid V
Genre: (albeit briefly), Additional Warnings In Author's Note, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/M, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Kaz and Venom open a burger joint in New Jersey instead of eventually getting murdered, Local Writer Too Impatient To Write Slow Burn, M/M, Miller's Maxi Buns, Multi, Mutual Pining, Phone Calls & Telephones, Sharing a Bed, because let my sons be happy Kojima
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-21
Updated: 2018-12-17
Packaged: 2019-03-07 11:40:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 6,993
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13433970
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThisPolarNoise/pseuds/ThisPolarNoise
Summary: After Snake and Kaz realise the depth of Big Boss's betrayal, they know they have to get out, but Venom knows that a path of revenge can only lead to the worst.OR: Two old soldiers, a sniper and a wolf try to find their place in the world.





	1. Chapter 1

They act like nothing is wrong when they finally go, although Kaz leaving is unusual enough in itself. But they do leave, with less weapons and more 'supplies' than usual, and Pequod doesn't question Snake's order to drop them off just outside Kabul for an off books mission. Snake tries not to think about what might happen to the kid when they find out what he did for them.

Two apparently American men in military gear with a wolf is enough to raise a few eyebrows anywhere, but they don't stay long enough to attract any unwanted attention from the Soviet occupiers of the once-vibrant capital. They dump their uniforms, idroids and everything else that could identify them in a hotel bathroom (although Snake notices that Kaz keeps his beret, running his thumb over the Diamond Dogs logo before stuffing it in the pocket of his coat), Snake buys a hat from a market stall to cover the shrapnel in his skull and a pair of gloves to hide his prosthetic hand. Snake, with his deep tan from working out in the desert so much and dark hair still blends in better than Kaz, but the only things they really get a second glance for after that is D-Dog.

They leave the country the next day with a small group of refugees heading to Pakistan, sat in the back of an old fuel truck, after handing all too much money to a people smuggler by the name of Karim. The air is heavy with fumes of the truck's former cargo, but neither of them complain or cough like the others on board. When Kaz falls asleep against Snake's shoulder at some point in the journey, Snake pulls him closer instead of pushing him away, and neither of them moves away again when he awakes.

They reach Pakistan on schedule, and bribe the captain of a cargo ship to give them a cabin on their passage from Karachi to New York. The cabin is tiny, just big enough for the two beds, the bedside cabinet between them, and their belongings. D-Dog ends up sleeping on Snake’s bed, not that either of them complain. Kaz wakes up the first morning to see Snake with his face buried in the thick fur of D-Dog’s neck and can’t help but smile at the tangle of man and wolf. Kaz ends up spending most of his time in the cabin, only really leaving for meals, but Snake explores, volunteering to help with whatever comes up around the ship to pass the time. He’s not used to sitting down for too long, and the last thing he wants is to be alone with his thoughts.

They don’t really talk about what comes next until the end of the first week, like it’s taken them that long to really wake up to the magnitude of what they’ve started to do. It’s the evening of the seventh day, and Snake has only just come back to the room. He greets D-Dog with a grin, but frowns when he sees Kaz’s expression.

“We need to think about what we do when we get to the States, Boss.”

Snake winces slightly at being called 'Boss', but nods and tilts his head, gesturing for Kaz to continue.

“We have money, but we need a base of operations, new weapons, computers and the rest of it. I’ve got some allies, but mostly on the West Coast-”

“Kaz,” he interrupts, but so quietly Kaz doesn’t even stutter.

“I said to Ocelot,” and he almost spits the name. “That I’d take David, Big Boss’s other clone, if he insisted on training Eli. We need appropriate facilities for a kid, and the only one who could probably take on Big Boss and succeed-”

Snake breathes deeply, and repeats his name, more confidently this time. Kaz stops, but only a second.

“It’ll take time. Planning. A lot of work,” Kaz glances down at his empty sleeve. “Mostly on your end. We can defeat him. We’ll rain hell down on everything he’s built-” 

"Kaz!” he barks, and Miller’s head snaps around to face him

“No,” he shakes his head. “We are not going to do that.”

"So what do you think we should do?"

"I don't know yet, but we left for a reason: to get away from him,” Snake looks away, and Kaz has never seen him look so tired and old. “There’s only one way going after him could end. You know that as well as I do.”

Kaz stands up, takes a limping step across the room to sit next to him, resting his hand on Snake’s shoulder. “What else is left for us but war?”

“What about those burgers you were always trying to fix back on Mother Base, did you ever make the perfect one?” Snake turns to him and smiles slyly. “What were they called, Miller’s Maxi Buns?”

Kaz is speechless for once in his life, and Snake laughs.

“What, that much of our money was going missing and you thought I didn't know what you were doing?”

Kaz stutters a few times before taking a deep breath. He’s silent for a few beats and then: “You really think we could do that?”

Snake hesitates. He had only meant it as a joking swipe at his friend to cut through some tension, but now he thinks about it…

“I don't see why we couldn't,” he says slowly. “We’ve got the time, the money.”

Kaz stands up stiffly and looks out through the tiny porthole between their beds, staring across the sea. “Moving on with our lives… It could be a better ‘fuck you’ to John than any revenge mission.”

Snake stands just behind him, only a breath away. He hears the hope in Kaz’s voice, hope like he’s never heard before, and sees the trace of light in his eyes behind his sunglasses.

It’s been a little over a week since they left Mother Base, but it’s only then he starts to think they might actually make it out of Big Boss’s clutches alive.


	2. Chapter 2

The new owners of the building between the hair stylists and hardware store move in at night. When the other residents are waking up or opening their businesses the next morning, sounds of construction are already echoing from behind the closed shutters. The morning after that, there's a sign up: Miller's Maxi Buns, and a banner hung below that with an opening date next month. It's a few days before anyone finds anything else, by which point it's the talk of the neighbourhood.

Larry who owns the hardware store is the first to meet one of them, a tall, scruffy guy who looks like he'd be more at home in a lumber mill somewhere up in the mountains than in Chambersberg, New Jersey, worn plaid shirt, knit cap and all, with a dog that looks like it was once more of a cub than a puppy. He picks up a couple of packets of screws, a couple of 2x4s and some wood clamps, and brings them to the counter.

"That all?" It's only when Larry looks up that he really sees the guy's face, and he has to resist taking a step back. This isn't a guy he wants to offend. There are scars all over his face, and a leather patch over his right eye. _Something_ , Larry can't tell what, is pushing his hat to a point on the right side of his forehead.

"Yes, thanks," his voice is gruff but calm, like he's seen it all before, no matter how Larry reacts.

"Haven't seen you in here before, if you don't mind me saying," Larry says, leaving his question unspoken.

"We just moved into the shop next door," he isn't blunt, exactly, just sounds kind of like he isn't used to small talk.

"Then welcome to the neighbourhood," Larry says, forcing the most charming smile he can muster and offers a hand. "Larry Walker."

"Ahab," the newcomer says with a nod and a less forced smile, and shakes his hand with a gloved one, despite the heat outside.

"Is it just you and..." he gestures at the wolf... dog... whatever it was, who tilts its head and pants happily at him.

"D-Dog," he smiles a little sheepishly and shrugs. "I know; an old friend named him. And no, it's us and a… friend… from the military.”

If he says that a little oddly, Larry ignores it. He's on firmer ground now, he'd served in ‘Nam himself, and that would explain the scars in a way that didn’t involve jail time. He'd seen men come away with worse, and feels half guilty that he assumed something like that of a fellow vet.

Ahab pays his bill and picks up his things and makes his way back towards the door, D-Dog following at his heels without so much as a whistle.

 _Weird guy. Nice, but weird._ Larry thinks to himself. All the same, he can't wait to share this new piece of gossip with Moira from the thrift store when they meet for lunch.

 

-

 

After so long in a succession of military organisations, the lack of rigid routine that came with being a civilian baffles Kaz. He isn't much help with the building work until the new prosthetics he was fitted for are finally ready, and all there is for him to do is sit around in the apartment above the storefront, walk D-Dog, or harrass Snake while he works.

-Ahab.

Ahab, not Snake. He has to get their new identities through his head. Not that anyone would really question two former soldiers calling each other by 'nicknames', but he can't have any of their old friends catching up with them because of something as small as calling each other by their real names in public.

McDonell Benedict Miller. If that isn't a name that goes against everything he used to be. Kaz thinks about white picket fences and ‘normal’ life and shudders. He knows what to do in a warzone, he's an excellent strategist, was just as good a soldier and mercenary, but put him in charge of a burger joint in New fucking Jersey of all places, and he's beginning to realise he's totally out of his depth, and the restaurant isn't even open yet.

Maybe it'll be better when it is. At least there'll be a routine then, times he'll have to get up to open up shop and work to do after that…

He's snapped out of his thoughts by D-Dog jumping onto the threadbare sofa left by the old owners next to him, and resting his huge head in Kaz’s lap, a string of warm drool going all over his pants. Kaz leaps up, for one panicked, _blissful_ moment forgetting about his lost leg in an attempt to free himself from the wolf.

He hits the ground hard, sending his sunglasses skidding across the wooden floor. DD, naturally having jumped away the second Kaz had moved, trots around to look at him and Kaz swears he's grinning.

“We should have left you back on Mother Base,” he snarls.

DD tilts his head then leans down until his eye is the same level as Kaz’s, then licks him, dragging his tongue all the way up Kaz’s cheek.

Kaz growls at him, and he walks away, seeming completely unperturbed. Kaz tries to stand up, he really does, but his head hurts from the light and he can’t see his glasses, and his crutch is on the other side of the room by the sofa, and he’s still got too much pride left to crawl to get it. He hates feeling this vulnerable, this _useless_ , has since the second Snake had saved him, not that Snake had mentioned it, not even in their most heated arguments, even though he must know by now.

He hears the door open and makes another attempt to get up, hitting the floor again just as Snake enters his field of vision.

“I heard the crash from downstairs. What happened?” Snake asks as he helps Kaz back onto the sofa and hands him his glasses.

Kaz blinks a few times, letting his eyes re-adjust and feeling his headache start to dissipate. “I think I just lost a fight to the dog.”

Snake grins at him. He doesn't look at him like the others on Mother Base had, or anyone they'd encountered since, like he's some pitiful old creature just there to be humoured because Snake likes him, even though he'd been the one to build Diamond Dogs up from the ashes, even though he's stronger than any of them. Snake never looks at him that way. Any help he gives is without pitying looks or even asking if he needs it, he seems to know almost instinctively when Kaz does, when he's okay and when it would be too much damage to his already-injured pride. Snake is more than he deserves after all the shit they'd fought about.

When Kaz doesn't speak again, Snake crouches in front of him, resting a hand on his shoulder. “Kaz. Are you okay?”

He smiles for a fraction of a second at Snake’s concern, but quickly knocks it back, reverting to his regular gruffness.

“Course I am. Get back to work,” he says, brushing Snake’s hand away and pretending to ignore the fondness in his eyes as he straightens and heads back downstairs.


	3. Chapter 3

It's a week after arriving before Kaz can't take it just sitting around the apartment any more and decides to go out. As if reading his mind, DD appears in front of him, leash in his mouth.

Kaz rolls his eyes but leans forward, ruffling the thick fur on the side of his head.

“You want to go for a walk, boy?”

D-Dog tilts his head and pants.

“You going to behave for me?”

The dog looks at him like he has never done anything wrong in his life, and Kaz shakes his head. He takes the leash and stuffs it in his pocket then stands stiffly, inwardly cursing his leg.

He kept his coat when they were changing clothes in Afghanistan. Sentimental, maybe, but it's innocuous enough, and warm. The rest of his wardrobe is all new and pretty simple. Dark grey slacks, white shirt with the top few buttons left undone, and his sunglasses, of course. It doesn't take him that long to get changed, all things considered, but D-Dog looks at him like it's been a hundred years when he gets out of the bedroom. He grumbles a couple of half-hearted curses which go totally ignored and limps to the door, letting DD gallop down the stairs in front of him (and god, it’s been over a year but he still hates trying to get down stairs).

Snake is stood at a workbench, sawing through some wood, but he looks up when he hears them come in. “Going anywhere interesting?”

“Thought it was time to do some reconnaissance of the neighbourhood.”

He smiles. “Bored?”

Typical of Snake to see through his lie. “Maybe a little.”

“Want some company? I’m ahead of schedule on this,” he gestures at the restaurant. The walls and ceiling are freshly painted, there are the beginnings of some booths already constructed. They’re still waiting on the other furnishings, tables and chairs and kitchen equipment, but it’s looking even better than Kaz ever hoped, and it isn’t even finished yet.

“Looks like you’ve earned a break,” Kaz says gruffly. “Anyway, someone has to make sure this damn dog of yours doesn’t kill me.”

Snake shrugs on the jacket he’s left on the half-finished counter and pulls the hat he bought back in Kabul over his head. Kaz is almost jealous at the ease he can be ready but, well, he's always been the better dressed one out of them. Snake opens the door for him when they reach it, and they walk out into the street.

It's a cold afternoon, and the street is busy with people and cars. D-Dog bounces a few feet ahead, always staying within their field of view and checking behind him occasionally to make sure his masters are keeping up. As far as the world can see, they're just two normal men walking their… wolf. That wears an eyepatch. But still. Not  _ completely _ out of the ordinary.

“Any particular destination in mind?”

“Did you find anything interesting when you went out?”

“Only the hardware store.”

That’s the shop directly next door to them, he knows, so neither of them have a clue where they’re going. Kaz rolls his eyes behind his glasses. They’d done a lot of research before moving here, he had wanted to make absolutely sure they’d be safe for as long as possible, but a map is never as good as going out for yourself.

Snake shifts closer to him as they walk, his shoulder bumping against the stump of his right arm. Kaz doesn’t move away, if anything he leans closer himself. He wishes he could reach down and take Snake’s hand, but his own is still occupied with his crutch, and on the wrong side anyway.

Snake seems to read his mind. He’s careful, as always; he doesn’t want to knock Kaz off balance, but he slides his prosthetic hand into Kaz’s coat pocket, keeping him close without making it obvious to those around them.

It’s not the ship, or the sight of their new home, or even watching the progression of Snake’s single-handed renovation of their new restaurant that makes Kaz start to think that maybe he has a future, one away from Big Boss or revenge. It’s a slow walk on a cold afternoon with an even colder metal hand brushing against his hip.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Emetophobia warning on the first half of this chapter, but on the bright side, bed sharing in the second

Venom has dreaded sleep for a while, since the first night after he pieced together the truth about himself. Every night his mind fills with images, fire, blood and memories of things he swears he's never known.

For the last three nights he’s been pushing back finishing up in the shop and going to bed, and for the last three nights he’s woken up shaking, barely getting himself out of bed in time to vomit.

He thought it would get better away from the men who had done this to him, but the nightmares have only gotten worse since they left Mother Base, getting more vivid as memories of his old life, his real life, push through. He’s only really started to appreciate just how much Big Boss has taken from him since then. Nine years of his life have been stolen from him. His body, his mind, his memories. He can’t even remember his real name, just Ahab like they’d called him in the hospital, and ‘Medic’. He could have a family out there who’ve thought he’s dead for ten years, who still miss him. He’d unknowingly been someone else for a decade of his life and now he’s finally free to be himself, he has no idea who that is. When he looks in the mirror, he’s shocked by his reflection, but he has no idea what he was expecting beyond brief flashes that send pain through his head like the shrapnel in his skull is a lightning rod. His beard is getting longer and even scruffier than it always was because he can't even hold it all back long enough for a shave.

He wakes with a jolt like he has for the last three nights, fragments of memories of two different lives clashing in his brain like two armies, like the Diamond Dogs and Cipher.

He just manages to drag himself into the bathroom before he throws up, just, and he's heaving up bile by the time he hears Kaz’s limping footsteps and the clack of DD’s paws reach the door.

“Nightmares again?” says the voice from behind as D-Dog sits down beside him, resting his head on Snake's shoulder,warm fur pressing against his neck. They’ve worked out a routine for this, somehow, and it always starts with that question.

Snake nods, eye squeezed shut.

“Need water?”

“Please,” he manages, still clutching his stomach and leaning against the toilet seat with the stump of his left arm.

Snake hears the tap running, the a hand reaches down and offers him a cold glass. He rinses the taste of vomit out of his mouth as Kaz rubs his back, a gentle pressure between his shoulder blades. Knowing that his friend is there makes Snake feel slightly better before he even dares move.

Kaz’s voice is softer when he speaks again. “Did you remember anything this time?”

“Nothing new,” Snake shakes his head and finally sits back from the toilet, leaning against the side of the bathtub. “Just… blood.”

Like the previous night and the night before, Kaz sits down on the edge near him, just close enough that when he crosses his arm over his stomach, the tips of his fingers brush Snake’s shoulder. Like the previous night and the night before, Venom forgoes any sense of physical boundaries and leans against Kaz’s side. Neither of them speak again for a long while; this is enough. A reminder that, even with everything they’ve both lost, they still have at least two things left; each other, and a future. Snake scratches behind DD’s ears, trying to calm himself enough to stand up.

Like every other night they end up in here, Snake moves to get up first, pretending that whatever had just happened hadn’t, but this is the first time Kaz’s arm goes out to stop him, hand closing around his wrist.

“Wait.”

Snake turns. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing’s wrong,” Kaz hesitates for a moment, pale eyes squinting to see him. “Shit, Snake, this was kind of an impulse decision.”

“What was?” he feels like he’s being stupid. Shaking off the dregs of bad dreams means he isn’t as awake as quickly as he might normally have been.

Kaz lets go of his arm, shifts his grip on his crutch and stands up. “You’re not the only one who isn’t sleeping well. I just needed an excuse to get up. We both need some comfort here, and, well…”

“Spit it out, Kaz.”

He looks to the floor, and Snake can’t tell if he’s resigned or if the light has just gotten too much for his eyes.

“There’s more than enough space for both of us in my bed. Being close to someone, I don’t know. It might help both of us sleep better.” The minute he says that, he looks like he regrets it, so it was definitely the former.

Snake tilts his head slightly. He isn't sure what he was expecting Kaz to say, but he's pretty sure it wasn't that. “That could work.”

Kaz nods and Snake follows him out, then into his room. It's the first time he's been in since they were moving in, not that it's changed much since then. With their old lifestyle, it was hard to be materialistic, and most of what they did have was left back on Mother Base. The Diamond Dogs beret and the yellow scarf he used to wear are sat neatly on a shelf, and his gun is on the cabinet by the bed, but otherwise it's minimalist. Snake’s room looks similar, if anything he has even less personal touches.

Kaz sits down on the edge of the bed to take off his prosthesis. It’s the first time Snake has seen him without it since he got out of medbay; he knows that it takes a lot of trust for Kaz to show any sign of what he perceives to be weakness.

Snake doesn’t comment, that would be breaking that trust he's worked so hard to earn, just lies down in the other side of the bed and watches Kaz as he pulls the leg of his sweats back down then lie down next to him.

Kaz stretches up and turns off the lamp that was providing the minimal light in the room. He doesn't speak either yet, just shuffles closer until he's close enough for Snake to feel his warmth through the sheets.

“Good night, Snake,” he says quietly, close enough that Venom can feel his breath on his cheek.

He smiles. “G’night, Kaz.”


	5. Chapter 5

Kaz is woken up by the phone ringing the next morning, and he feels Snake getting out of the bed with a quiet grunt. Somehow, he feels like he’s just missed a chance, although he's not quite sure what it was a chance to do. He doesn’t move for what feels like a long time, but the phone is still ringing when he sits up. He gets ready as quickly as he can, no use just lying in bed sulking, and limps into the main room of the apartment as Snake is answering the phone.

“...He's here now, if you want to talk to him?” He waits a second, then holds the phone out for Kaz.

He shoots Snake a questioning look, but hobbles over and takes it anyway. There’s only really one person that would be asking for him that wouldn't have Venom already packing his bags up and getting ready to run.

“Dr Rostova. What can I do for you?”

Doctor Marta Rostova is a small, curt Ukrainian bio-engineer who, although she was originally brought to Mother Base against her will, took a shine to Venom when he was being fitted for his arm. Since Kaz refused her services the first time around, she doesn’t like him so much, but they're paying her this time round so they're on better terms than the first time they met. This is a call he’s both been desperate for and dreaded.

“Master Miller,” she says in greeting, and he doesn't correct her from that old nickname. “We're ready for you.”

He’s frozen for the length of a skipped heartbeat. This is it. The true test of whether he’s moved on, or whether he’s the same bastard he’s been for far too long. Kaz looks over at Snake, hoping for an acknowledgement, something to tell him he’s doing the right thing but no, no matter how questionable Kaz may have found his decisions, Venom always had the final say in his important choices. It’s Kaz’s turn to make a decision now, so he’s met with a carefully blank look.

“Miller?” the voice at the other end of the line prompts. “Are you still there?”

Kaz shuts his eyes and clears his throat. “When and where?”

* * *

Kaz refuses to let Venom go with him to the hotel to meet the doctors. He claims it’s because he doesn’t want to delay their opening date by dragging Snake away from the shop for a few weeks, but they both know it’s because he doesn’t want anyone there who doesn’t absolutely have to be when he’s at his worst, his most vulnerable, even after everything else he’s already seen. Venom was there the last time, he was the one who’d literally carried Kaz out of hell, but by that point he’d been beyond caring, the same the few times at the beginning when Venom had come to visit him in medbay. It had taken him long enough to get used to the cheap, uncomfortable prosthetic leg he's been using since then. He’s certain this will be harder. As much as he hates to admit it, he’s almost used to it now, the near-constant pain that only seems to decrease when he’s asleep, the loss of his arm and everything that comes with that. He’s not sure how getting  _ something  _ back is going to work.

He ruffles DD’s fur and gives Snake a nod as he hauls his bag over his good shoulder, about to leave for the cab waiting outside.

“Two weeks. I’m gone any longer and you get the hell out of here,” he says and Snake nods; they’ve gone through this plan a thousand times, they both know it by heart, but going through it one more time reassures him slightly. If anything goes wrong, Snake and DD will be safe, Kaz has to keep telling himself that.

Snake doesn’t let him go that easily; it’s the first time they’ve been apart for any significant amount of time since they left Mother Base. It’s the best chance any would be assassins might get to try and pick one of them off while the other isn’t around. This could easily be the last time they see each other and they both know it.

Venom pulls Kaz into a tight, unexpected hug. It takes Kaz a second to reciprocate, and when Snake steps back he’s left off-balance for a second, but he’s glad of it. Snake grins behind his shaggy beard.

“Good luck. Take care of yourself.”

Kaz is breathless for a second then nods. “You too.”

They stand opposite each other in the half-finished shop, neither of them wanting to move first, until the cab beeps its horn.

“I’ll call when I get to the hotel. If you don’t hear anything...”

Snake nods again, serious again now. “Go. We’ll be fine.”

“You better be.”

* * *

The cab stops outside the hotel, and Kaz wordlessly pays the driver the exorbitant fee and gets out, limbs stiff from being folded into the back seat for almost three hours. He rubs his eyes under his glasses and straightens his tie, then looks up at the building.

The hotel Rostova has chosen is a huge, expensive one in Manhattan, the sort of place he’s never really been comfortable in. Kaz tries not to think about how out of place he feels as the doorman opens the door for him. He’s normally offended when anyone but Snake tries anything like that,  _ he doesn’t need help _ , but this is just the usual treatment of guests here. He nods at the kid as he walks past into a lobby bigger than his whole building. No-one so much as gives him a second glance, so he clearly looks the part, but he’s never quite adjusted to high-society as well he did to slums and war zones. If Rostova had chosen a by-the-hour motel in Queens, he might have felt a little more comfortable.

He checks in under a carefully constructed fake identity, and is shown to a high-ceilinged studio with all the furniture pushed to the edges of the room. In the centre, Rostova and a couple of her assistants are setting up an assortment of equipment, both the type Kaz had used to get used to walking last time, and things he’s never seen before. It explains the choice of hotel; the rooms are large and the employees are paid just enough not to question anything unusual as long as it wasn’t causing permanent damage. You didn’t get that careful inattention in cheaper places.

“Doctor,” he greets.

“Good afternoon, Miller,” she says in her usual St. Petersburg monotone, coming over to him and leaving her assistants to unload her cases. “I trust your journey here has been more pleasant than ours?”

A group of Soviet engineers with cases full of electronics would raise too many flags, had they travelled here by normal channels. Kaz doesn't know how they even got in the country, but it probably hadn’t been as easy as just a long cab journey. He nods and she gestures to a small table in the corner of the room with several metal case balanced on it.

“Take a seat.”


	6. Chapter 6

He’s been left alone in a bedroom just off the main room, and it’s finally quiet. It’s been dark outside for a good few hours, even though the days are getting longer now. Kaz waits until he’s one hundred percent certain he isn’t going to be disturbed again, then allow himself to fall backwards onto the bed.

It has been a very long day. His leg hurts worse than usual, which he expected, but his right shoulder and back hurt like the wounds have been reopened. He’s aching in muscles he didn’t think he still had, having not had to use them in over a year, not even being able to, and muscles he didn’t know were even there in the first place. He gets undressed whilst trying to move as little as possible, doesn’t even bother taking his glasses off because he isn’t getting out of bed to close the curtains now. He hopes that just sleeping will be enough to get him through another day of physical therapy tomorrow, but he doesn’t get his hopes up. He isn’t weak, he reminds himself, not by any definition of the word; muscles still show through the scarred skin of his chest, and anyone would have had a hard time today, unless they had whatever technology that Ocelot’s people had been using on Snake and the Boss during those nine years unconscious they somehow stayed as strong as before. Besides, he can deal with physical pain. Worse had been having to swallow his… Was it pride or fear? To let them get close enough to help him with his arm and some of the exercises. Rostova had told him to take his shirt off to fit it, and Kaz doesn't like showing his scars, not to anybody. The only people who have seen the state of his injuries are a couple of medics on Mother Base and the men who'd taken him hostage. Not even Venom has seen the full extent of the damage, and he's the only man alive in this world who Kaz trusts entirely. There’s a reason why the only time he doesn’t hide beneath layers of clothing is when he’s in bed.

Kaz entertains the idea of calling Snake for a second, but quickly dismisses it. They’d made an agreement only to do that in absolute emergencies; if this was some kind of set up at least they wouldn’t both be walking into danger. Even if Kaz does already miss him.

God, that was pathetic. Venom had been on missions that were weeks longer than just one night, even if they had mostly been able to keep contact for that time. He’d lasted nine damn years alone except for fucking Ocelot. But, well, things are different now. They don’t have missions any more, neither of them have done anything more hazardous than go grocery shopping since they left, and they’ve been spending more time together than they ever had on Mother Base.

Kaz doesn’t have time for feelings, not like this, and if he’s honest, he isn’t sure how all that works any more. He’s has been trying not to think about it since not long after Venom had joined Diamond Dogs, but now they’re around each other more and it’s been harder to ignore his feelings. Now he's away from what he's starting to think of as ‘home’, in bed alone and struggling to sleep no matter how tired he is, it’s almost unbearable. After the way Venom had been around quiet, Kaz is pretty sure whatever feelings he has aren’t mutual, but he can’t help thinking about them anyway, about sharing a bed for something other than maybe helping with the nightmares, about being more than just whatever they are now, more than boss and subordinate. More than friends.

He doesn’t let it get further than just thought, even though he wants to, even though Snake isn’t here now. There would be no turning back from that.

Kaz does his best to push the thoughts out of his mind. There are more pressing things to worry about, like if he’ll survive another week, maybe two, of torture in disguise as physiotherapy at the hands of a bunch of Russian sadists he definitely should have tried to make a better impression with back when they were working on Snake’s injuries. Kaz groans softly. That quickly clears his mind of any other worries or urges he might have had. He closes his eyes to a fitful sleep.

* * *

The shop is quiet without Kaz around, Venom quickly notices. Even if he hadn't been downstairs, Snake had been able to hear music playing or him limping about, keeping himself busy. Still, less distractions means he can get more work done, even if Kaz isn't around to keep an eye on DD, and even at the rate he's been working so far, Venom reckons he can get the place done by the time he’s back. There’s a delivery of most of the kitchen equipment due the day after tomorrow, the furniture the day after that.

Venom also privately hopes that the work will wear him out enough to just let him sleep tonight, but he doesn’t hold out much for it. He just knows that, before the other night, it had been far too long since he’d had a good night’s sleep. Maybe not ever, not in his memory, at least. There was always  _ something  _ keeping him awake; missions and their aftermath, a feeling that something wasn’t quite  _ right _ . He’s his own man again now, as much as he can be after everything they did to him, but now he knows there’s a difference between who he is and who he should be, it’s even harder. Kaz is probably the only person willing to get close enough to really understand that, but he can't fight this battle, that's Venom's alone. It’s not even something he can explain to a doctor unless he wants to be institutionalised. He’s been finding himself wondering if it was even real, if any of this is, even now. He hopes, more than he can ever remember hoping for anything, that it is, that he isn’t going to wake up tomorrow or the day after that back on Mother Base awaiting his next order, forget how it feels to be almost free and keep fighting. He can feel it in his chest, an absolute certainty, that if he and Kaz hadn't left then they would have been fighting until it killed them both. He doesn't know if his friend realises this yet. Even in the few days Kaz has been gone, he's had more time to wonder about these things.

He works until well after dark, tries to focus on his task instead of the future and his doubts. The place is starting to come together, he thinks. Before this he'd been better known for destroying than creating, after all.

Venom only stops when the phone starts to ring. His heart skips for a moment; he's not expecting any calls, only two people know the number, Kaz and Rostova, and neither of them would use it unless it's an emergency. His hand twitches towards a gun he no longer carries on a reflex, but he puts down his screwdriver and stands from where he's been building the counter to jog up the stairs to answer it. His hand slides under the surface of the table with one hand as he reaches for the phone with the other. The gun taped beneath it is still there.

“Hello?”

“It’s me,” Kaz's voice, but he sounds exhausted, not urgent. “I know we said this was only for emergencies, but… I guess I needed to hear your voice.”

Some of the tension leaves Snake’s shoulders and he forces himself to sit down on the sofa. He doesn't put the gun away yet. “Missing me that much already?”

“You know know how ex-Russian military can be. Just needed to hear somebody friendly.”

Better than just knowing that, he remembers Rostova and her silent assistants, prodding at his bad arm and forcing him to do more, even when what's left of his arm felt like it was on fire. He doesn't envy Kaz.

“I remember. Not sure I'd do that again if  _ they _ paid  _ me _ . How's it going?”

“Good, I think,” he pauses and lowers his voice. “It's hard to tell. It still hurts, more than before. There was a part of me that thought once I accepted this… I don’t know, maybe the pain would stop.”

Snake can hear the pain in his friend's voice. He doesn't tell him that the pain doesn't stop, will never stop; Kaz knows that already. It will have taken Kaz a lot to admit this, maybe courage, maybe just so tired that his walls are a little lower than usual. Snake just wishes he could reach out in reassurance, let him know that he's still here.

“It's been over a year, Kaz. If it  _ didn't _ hurt, something would be wrong.”

“Gotta get worse before it gets better, right?” he scoffs.

“Something like that. Wasn't sure I'd survive the first week of exercises after I woke up, doesn't matter what they were doing to me in that hospital, I was still in a coma for nine years.”

“This isn't a competition, Snake.”

“Then what do you want to talk about?”

“I don't know… tell me how the restaurant is coming together, maybe.”

Snake does. He tells him about the deliveries he's expecting, the time he thinks it will take to finish the counter and put everything else together, answers whatever questions Kaz has. It isn't until then that Snake realises how tired he is, struggling to keep his eye open as they keep talking. He shouldn't have kept working as long as he did, but it's too late to change that now.

He doesn't remember which of them stops talking first, just that he wakes up in the morning on the sofa to a dial tone coming from the receiver still balanced on his shoulder.

* * *

When Kaz wakes up the next morning, the phone is still on the bed next to him. He can hear Snake's soft breathing still coming through the receiver. It feels like such a childish thing to do, fall asleep on the phone, but Kaz is glad he did. He hopes that, just maybe, when he gets back home he can wake up to this in person.


End file.
